Change, I think the majority of us start off the year with the intention of making changes to our lifestyle. We may do well to begin with and maintain new habits for weeks or even a few months, but it can be difficult to make changes stick in the long-term.
A survey from 2023 by Forbes magazine suggests that one in five individuals fail to keep their New Year resolutions for more than one month; just over a third lasted for between 1 and 3 months; almost one in six maintain their new habits for four to six months and only 6% get to between nine and twelve months with their new habits.
So how can we help ourselves to make changes and make them last?
Start off small
The late Dr Michael Mosely spoke about changing things one at a time in his book Just One Thing. There are lots of ideas for small helpful changes still available on Michael Mosely’s Just One Thing BBC videos.
If we start with a long list of things to change, our brain sees that as a threat and steps in to ‘help’ us – to keep us where we are, where we are comfortable, where we are safe. If we want to succeed with change, we have to take a light touch.
Ask yourself ‘What small thing would I be doing that would tell me that I was more in control of life, or enjoying life more?’
Do what’s right for you.
What works for someone else may not be right for you. A friend or colleague may be starting the Couch to 5K, for example. If you know you hate running, then it’s not the right goal for you. It could be that regular walks are the way forward for you rather than forcing yourself to run.
There are lots of experts out there telling us what we should do; how much exercise we should be doing, what we should be eating, how long we should be meditating for. They may be right, in an ideal world, but it’s a lot of pressure, and it might not suit us. Let’s get rid of the word ‘should’ and replace it with ‘could’, considering these activities as opportunities, rather than instructions.
We are the experts in ourselves, and we tend to know what will be successful and what will not – maybe through years of previous efforts to change, which have failed. Einstein is reported as saying ‘The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”.
If it doesn’t work, try something else.
Work with what you are already doing that you are pleased about.
In his book ‘Atomic Habits’, James Clear discusses the notion of ‘habit stacking’. That is taking a new helpful habit and tagging it on to an established old helpful habit, for example adding a short meditation during the time you clean your teeth. The new habit is more likely to become part of your routine.
Ask yourself, ‘What is already working?’
Think about triggers and associations.
Our brains love routine and repetition and will make associations which become pathways in the brain when we repeat behaviours. Certain things that we do regularly become hard-wired into our daily activities and these associations can be hard to break e.g. ‘I always have a biscuit with my cup of tea in the seating area when I take my afternoon break’, By making small tweaks to these activities, we can change the associations and deal with the expectations from our brain. Just changing one thing about that activity might be all it needs – go somewhere else for your break; go outside for a walk; read a book or look at a magazine
Ask yourself, ‘What small thing can I do differently in this situation?
Accept some discomfort.
It is hard to change habits – we want to be comfortable and sometimes that feeling can win over discomfort. Learning to sit with discomfort a while can help the new habit to develop. When we lack motivation, we need to develop discipline to carry on despite discomfort – but if the discomfort is extreme then this activity is not for you. Distract yourself with something else until the feeling passes; do something else and the feeling will probably pass anyway.
Ask yourself, ‘What can I do instead to distract me?’
Be kind to yourself.
Perfection is hardly ever needed. If you miss a day performing your new habit, the tendency can be to give up altogether because you have ‘failed’, but that is not necessary. Three steps forward and one step back is still two steps forward – progress is not linear. You are doing something new for you – your brain is getting used to a new pathway and sometimes you will be encouraged to go down the old pathway because that is more familiar, more comfortable. The new pathway becomes more comfortable the more you use it, and the old pathway gradually disappears.
If you go down that old pathway, start again and use the new pathway next time.
Think about how you are feeling.
Emotion be a strong driver towards bad habits – we get comfort from things that are not always good for us – alcohol, chocolate, cigarettes, online shopping. At some point in time our subconscious mind has got the message that these things make us feel better, so we are guided towards them when we feel sad, upset, lonely, bored. Paying attention to your mood can be helpful in understanding where your drives are coming from. Dealing with the emotion is possible when you recognise it. If you feel sad or lonely, talk to a friend, if you feel bored find something to focus on. It’s not always easy, but practice helps to take control of these situations and make better decisions.
Ask yourself ‘How am I feeling and what would help me?’
Changes can be difficult but there are ways of making them work for us.
With Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, I help clients to identify what is already working for them so they can do more of that. What isn’t working we aim to change. We identify what the small steps forward might be, and when they can realistically be achieved. With hypnosis we are able to influence the subconscious mind – giving the client the ability to take back intellectual control over the decisions and choices that they make. In this way, we can develop new habits and conquer old unwanted behaviours.
You can get in touch via my webform to arrange an initial consultation call.